Radical Wisdom: January 3, 2021
A [Partner] with No Voice
This is originally named “A Wife with No Voice”, but I felt “Partner” was a better name for my train of thought.
Today’s reading was about the author discussing the sentiment of “one of the most helpless feelings in the world is hearing your wife say, ‘I feel like I have no voice!’”
He later shares that a friend of his made a statement to him that he perceived to be pretty profound.
“A wife who feels she ‘has no voice’ is one whose husband has talked about the issue but failed to connect with her feelings.”
Boy oh boy do I understand this sentiment, intimately! I have been on both ends of the previous statement.
I have failed to do this often in the past. I’m such a data, fact, and science based thinker that I had the tendency to ignore most feelings altogether. That train of thought constantly caused disconnection in my former marriage. I could not understand, for the life of me, why giving all of the facts was not met with appreciation. Instead, it often was thrown back in my face and criticized. I began to internalize my feelings of being deeply hurt by my attempts of doing extra research to provide the clear details she always shared she wanted. As I became more aware of this principle, I was better able to stop myself and start asking the important questions first.
With guidance, I’ve come to understand that when you are in a committed relationship, you have to listen to, and connect with, your partner’s feelings. First and foremost. You can have all of the facts in the world! However, that will not mean a thing if you haven’t demonstrated that you are connected to, and understand, your partner’s feelings on the matters at hand in the moment.
At the end of the day, I believe it is alway you and your partner vs the issue at hand. Never you vs your partner. That type of mentality keeps the focus on the partnership and not on our selfishness.
“Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way.” (1 Peter 3:7, ESV)
Do you have a partner that feels they don’t have a voice or that avoids sharing their opinion on things? How will you seek to engage with them to bring the focus back to “you both” and not the singular “you/self”?
